letting go of doubt

"The asana practice is one of those experimental zones where we can really test the waters of the mind. Often what comes up is recognition of my own courage, compassion and longing to connect--but not always. I just as often slam into a psychic wall of fear and discontentment. I find that if notice myself being harsh or doubtful on the mat, chances are good that I approach myself with the same attitude off the mat." This resonated with me and I just wanted to share this, from writer on the laughing lotus love blog, about sthiram, sukham, and letting go of doubt.

my brilliant image

One day the sun admitted,

I am just a shadow.
I wish I could show you
The Infinite Incandescence

That has cast my brilliant image!

I wish that I could show you
When you are lonely or in darkness,

The Astonishing light
Of your own Being!

~Hafiz (as translated by Daniel Ladinsky)

not here

There's courage involved if you want
to become truth. There is a broken-

open place in a lover. Where are
those qualities of bravery and sharp

compassion in this group? What's the
use of old and frozen thought? I want

a howling hurt. This is not a treasury
where gold is stored; this is for copper.

We alchemists look for talent that
can heat up and change. Lukewarm

won't do. Halfhearted holding back,
well-enough getting by? Not here.

~rumi (as translated by coleman barks)

only breath

Not Christian or Jew or Muslim, not Hindu
Buddhist, sufi, or zen. Not any religion

or cultural system. I am not from the East
or the West, not out of the ocean or up

from the ground, not natural or ethereal, not
composed of elements at all. I do not exist,

am not an entity in this world or in the next,
did not descend from Adam and Eve or any

origin story. My place is placeless, a trace
of the traceless. Neither body or soul.

I belong to the beloved, have seen the two
worlds as one and that one call to and know,

first, last, outer, inner, only that
breath breathing human being.

~ Rumi (as translated by Coleman Barks)

avidya

avidya means ignorance, but not simply a lack of knowledge. It is the illusion of separateness, mistaking what is not real for what is real, in short, ignorance of the true nature of being.

the yoga sutras describe avidya as the root forgetting or ignorance of the nature of things that is the breeding ground for the kleshas (2:4) and as being an ignorance of one of four types: regarding that which is transient as eternal, mistaking the impure for pure, thinking that which brings misery to bring happiness, and taking that which is not-self to be self (2:5). the gita says that all suffering and limitation imposed by the ego come from avidya and so one must seek knowledge. avidya os related to maya, in that it is a veiling of the truth, and once the truth is recognized the illusion begins to fall away.

so, avidya is the very ignorance which keeps us from reality, from being one with pure consciousness, with the eternal, and we must work to remove this ignorance, wipe clean the illusory veil that obstructs our view of the truth. there are endless opportunities each day to move closer to this truth or further away (and thus further away from ourselves, too). avidya is the forgetting that hinders our self-remembering, our ability to transcend so that we might again see our union with the real, the eternal, the divine.

sukham sthiram

steadiness and ease. these are the words used to describe asana practice in yogic texts. sukham means (according to various translations) happiness, sweetness, comfort or ease, while sthiram means balance, without difficulty, firmness, steadiness. this is relatively easy to imagine in terms of asana practice, but when looking at yoga as a whole system, not simply as a physical one, it quickly becomes more abstract. what does the mind look like and feel like when it is both steady and relaxed?

this sounds marvelous to me, but it is not so easy to accomplish. it has something to do with the play between effort, challenge, and then release. In a truly relaxed state, the mind can be ready for anything, because energy is not being wasted unnecessarily. likewise in the body. when our energy is not misspent on tensions then it is free to put that energy toward a goal. our efforts become fruitful. and, since I don't really believe in any sort of mind-body split, the body-mind that is both firm and relaxed, which acts with both steadiness and ease, is one that is best poised to meet its goals, spiritual or otherwise.

so, how does one accomplish this? little by little every day in both the physical and mental challenges that we set for ourselves or are put upon us every day. we make a conscious choice to continually redirect our energy toward mindfulness and ease, even at the apex of our efforts. step by step and day by day, one hopes we arrive closer to the goal.

sādhana

Mr. Iyengar, in Light on the Yoga Sūtras of Patañjali, says that sādhana is a discipline undertaken in the pursuit of a goal and that a sādhaka, or practitioner, is one who skillfully applies mind and intelligence in practice towards a spiritual goal. Yogi Bhajan says that it is a committed prayer and something which you want to do, have to do, and which is being done by you as self-enrichment and not something which is done to please somebody or to gain something. He says sadhana is a personal process in which you bring out your best.

My understanding of sādhana is that it comprises the practices that you do each day to bring you closer to that spiritual goal. What that practice is each day might vary a little, but the idea is that there is a steady and continuous practice that you do in the service of spiritual growth. This might include meditation and mantra, asana practice, or any other ritual that points the mind toward liberation and enlightenment, but the key is that it is a regular, dedicated practice. For this reason, it is perhaps best to make your daily sādhana something manageable, and then, if one has the time and is feeling so inclined, more can be added to that practice, but always the basic practice is regular, whatever you have determined that to mean, and that the practice does not become mechanical.

For me, I endeavor to rise in the morning and light a candle and incense, before which I sit quietly for a few minutes. I intend for those minutes to be contemplative, conscious... you know, meditation, but this is not always easy for me. Still, I arrive before the flame and the smoke and I sit on my zafu in silence. Some days are more successful than others. Beyond this I try to do 30 minutes of asana practice each day. When I began, I tried to do 60 minutes of asana practice and found that I was not consistent. So, I dialed that back a little so that I might make it more achievable and thus more consistent. This seems to have helped.

In a perfect world, where job obligations and the like were not an issue, I would rise in the morning and sit before my candle and incense, then do 60-90 minutes of asana, then a coconut oil self-massage and bathing ritual, and then prepare and eat breakfast in a manner more fit for an offering. I would do this every day. This is my long term goal, but the mundane requirements of daily life often seem to get in the way of this and I haven't quite found my way around that...